The Death of Aqsa Parvez Should Be an Interfaith Call to Action

by Sheila Musaji

Earlier this year there was a National Declaration by Religious and Spiritual Leaders to Address Violence Against Women, which has been signed by more than 2,000 clergy and religious leaders from Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist and Baha’i traditions, among others.  The declaration stated:

We proclaim with one voice as national spiritual and religious leaders that violence against women exists in all communities, including our own, and is morally, spiritually and universally intolerable.

We acknowledge that our sacred texts, traditions and values have too often been misused to perpetuate and condone abuse.

We commit ourselves to working toward the day when all women will be safe and abuse will be no more.

We draw upon our healing texts and practices to help make our families and societies whole.

Our religious and spiritual traditions compel us to work for justice and the eradication of violence against women.

We call upon people of all religious and spiritual traditions to join us.

To date there are 2,264 individuals of all religious backgrounds who have signed on to this document.  When people of faith join with other community leaders to address domestic violence, we will see ancient roadblocks turn into resources that save lives and bring healing. Please join other people of faith in signing the Declaration. 

Perhaps if enough of us think about this issue and the issue of domestic or family violence in general we may be able to do something to stop this terrible epidemic.

Just this week, Aqsa Parvez was murdered by her father for not wearing hijab.  A young life cut short senselessly.  Although this certainly is a case of domestic violence, some are referring to this as an example of an “honor” killing.  The facts are not in yet as to whether or not this is the case.  And, as will all forms of domestic abuse, domestic violence and family violence, “honor” killings are not only a Muslim problem, and there is no “honor” involved.  Muslim sites have been responding in shock to this case (e.g. Achelois, Muslim Matters) and many others.

It takes minimal research to find hundreds and even thousands of cases of conflict, abuse, family violence, and even murder between parents and teens in families that have been here for generations, who may or may not profess any particular religion, and who share common cultural values.  Even though some of these acts are carried out by members of religious communities and sometimes the violence is “justified” in religious terms or religion is claimed as the reason for the actions – the fact is that anyone making such a claim terribly misunderstands whatever religion they are claiming in defense of the indefensible.

In a study of more than 8,000 homicides in large urban counties, the Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS) said 16 percent involved murder inside the family, in four out of ten of them a spouse killed a spouse.  Offspring were killed by their parents at twice the rate that offspring killed their parents.  The study further noted that 20.9% of family murders were of parents killing their children.

Muslims have discussed this topic as much as everyone else (e.g. Islam the Modern Religion, and leading Muslim groups such as the Canadian Council on American-Islamic Relations, the Islamic Social Services Association and the Islamic Society of Toronto are all urging “zero tolerance” for domestic abuse and violence against women. The Muslim Women’s League published a position paper on honor killings.  Jewish, Muslim, Christian writers have produced a handbook to give religious leaders tools to help victims of violence. 

And yet, the violence continues - somehow we are not getting through to the population in general.  We are not being good shepherds.

It has been noted that:  Religious teachings or scripture are sometimes misinterpreted, distorted, and misused to suggest that domestic violence is acceptable or even God’s will among Jews, Christians, and Muslims. Although, some who are quick to see the mote in their brothers eye have categorized this crime as a Muslim crime, a symptom of what’s wrong with Muslims, or as “proof” that somehow the religion of Islam is to blame. 

This is not a Muslim problem because it crosses all religious lines, but it is a Muslim problem because it also exists in our community.  As the late Shareefa Alkhateeb pointed out:  “An authoritarian family structure predisposes many Muslims in America to be abused in some way and possibly to become the victims of violence. Generally, the greater a husband’s dominance in the family structure, the more likely wife and child abuse become. In the most abusive homes, the father believes and socializes his wife and children to believe that whatever he wants the family to do is the same as what Allah wants them to do. He, in effect, makes himself into something of a god.”

The rate of domestic abuse in the Muslim community is about the same as in the general population—about 18 percent, according to a 2000 study performed by Oakland University in Rochester, Mich., a rate comparable to the national average. It tends, however, to be more hidden, says Dorria Fahmy, WAFA’s founder and executive director. 

Allah’s Apostle, said: “Every one of you (people) is a shepherd. And every one is responsible for whatever falls under his responsibility. A man is like a shepherd of his own family, and he is responsible for them.” This Hadith is reported by both Bukhari and Muslim.

We must be good shepherds.

Just a few days ago The Republican reported that domestic violence deaths have reached record numbers in Massachusetts where there have been 38 deaths from domestic violence, and 12 suicides by perpetrators this year alone. 

Murders of pregnant women are rising across the country.  “A year-long examination by The Washington Post of death-record data in states across the country documents the killings of 1,367 pregnant women and new mothers since 1990.”

People have killed themselves because of some perversion of religion like the Heaven’s Gate mass suicide.  and like Jim Jones and the People’s Temple, or the Solar Temple Murderers have killed others to fulfill some “religious” nightmare.
Children of Thunder, three Mormon young people killed innocent people to defeat Satan?

Sikh and Hindu “honor" killings are still prevalent in India.  Jaswinder Kaur Sidhu, a young Sikh Canadian girl was murdered at the order of her own family in 2003.  A Christian Palestinian girl was murdered by her family in an honor killing and in fact this problem is widespread in Palestinian society no matter the religious affiliation.  Rabbi Shlomo Arar committed an honor killing when he murdered a boy who was involved with his daughter.

A Christian father starved his infant son to death because of a “vision" from God.  A Christian mother killed her baby to give her child to God.  Parents have killed their children because they thought they were gay, for stealing to buy drugs, over a video game, to avoid paying child support, because of worry over gambling debts, because they were autistic and hard to care for, over a fight with a spouse.  Andrea Yates, Deanna Laney , and Lawshaun Harris (devout Christians) killed their children because “God told them to”.  Constance & Larry Slack (devout Christians – Jehovah’s Witnesses) beat their daughter to death for being disobedient.  A pastors son killed his mom and shot his dad.

The list goes on an on and would take up volumes to list.  The truth is that family murder is ‘too awful to contemplate’, and yet we must contemplate this crisis and find ways to reach distressed families before any more lives are lost.

It has been noted that: “Women who kill their children commonly cite God, the devil and other religious influences for their actions. Although the mothers are also often found to be severely mentally ill or psychotic, the recurring theme of religiosity begs the question: Is religion to blame?  Theologians, sociologists and psychiatrists generally say no. They say religiosity is a common theme among psychotics because hallucinations and delusions usually take familiar forms.  “Most of the people in nut houses are religious because most Americans are religious,” said Rodney Stark, a social sciences professor at Baylor University. “We know what causes schizophrenia and it isn’t going to church. It’s biochemical.”

One article about the Aqsa Parvez case had the title ”Girl’s death puts Islam in hot seat”—if that is true, then all the other deaths must also put Christianity, Judaism, Sikhism, Hinduism, etc. all in the hot seat.  We have a serious problem in our society, and members of all faith communities need to work together to attempt to find solutions, and to educate our own faith communities in the actual teachings of our various belief systems.  Although individuals may attempt to justify their actions on the basis of some distortion of religious teachings, there is no justification for this behavior.

In attempting to see this as “their” problem and not “our” problem, and pointing the finger of blame elsewhere, we take away any chance of working effectively together to get at the root problems and stop this from ever happening again. 

See also:

Domestic Abuse by Muslim Men?  Is the 18% Statistic Too Low?, , by Dr. Robert Dickson Crane
Ending Domestic Violence in Muslim Families, Sharifa Alkhateeb
Domestic violence within the Muslim American community, Karamah
Religiosity Common Among Mothers Who Kill Children
Bureau of Justice statistics of family murders
Religion and family violence research team
Religion and Domestic Violence
Religion and Domestic Violence Statistics
Religious extremism article collection
Domestic Violence: The Numbers, Mother Jones. 
“God, religion, and family violence”
interfaith resource guide on “Family violence and religion”
Family tragedy no time for cultural warfare, Haroon Siddiqui
Teen’s death prompts imam to go on hunger strike

SOME RESOURCES:

Muslim Women’s Resource Center
Apna Ghar a domestic violence shelter
An Imam’s Guide to dealing with domestic violence
Stand! Against Domestic Violence
Shalom Bayit: Bay Area Jewish Women Working to End Domestic Violence
Faith Trust Institute
Peace and Safety in the Christian Home
Muslim Womens League
Peaceful Families Project. 

There are a number of organizations working to stop this epidemic, and there is a list of Jewish, Christian, Muslim, and other resources available on the Religion Newswriters site.

---
updates:

Muslim Women’s League Position Paper on “Honor Killings”

Muslim Council of Britain statement against honor killings

Grand Ayatollah Mohammed Hussein Fadlallah issues fatwa against honor killings

Islam and Honor Killings. By Imam Zaid Shakir

Imam Mohammed Fadel on honor killings

An Imam says Islam, family violence don’t mix; goes on hunger strike 12/14/07

Natalie and Nazaryn Peralta were killed by their father to hurt his ex-wife. 12/07

Martina Harding kills her son in New Jersey.  12/07

Mother in Germany kills her five sons.  12/07

Amina and Sarah Said murdered by their father in Texas 1/08

Subhash Chander (Hindu) has been charged with killing his pregnant daughter, her husband and their 3-year-old son in a weekend arson fire in Chicago.  At least one report says they were killed because his daughter had married into a lower caste.  1/08

Mother kills daughters, then herself in Missouri.  1/08

list of fatwas against extremism

UPDATES

In January 2008 - a Hindu man in Chicago set a fire that killed his pregnant daughter, his son-in-law and his 3-year-old grandson, prosecutors said, because he disapproved of his daughter’s marriage.  - In Sioux City Iowa two young girls were allegedly murdered by their stepfather during what police say was a Satanic ritual.  - Amina and Sarah Said were murdered by their father in Texas. - ABC did a news story “Mothers and Fathers Who Murder” because of the recent increase in such murders.