Salafi Burnout

by Anonymous

I am sharing part of my story with other that have suffered from salafi burnout.

After being in Islam a short time, I was introduced into what was heavily marketed as the “pure and clear” way of ’salafiyyah’ in which all other Muslims must come to this way or be opposed at all costs. It was very appealing because what new Muslim wants anything but that? Things went well for a few years until the “purge” came (refered to in this series) and people were “on it” or “off it”. This was not the Islam that I had accepted and soon I began to realise that there were indeed deep problemsin this “manhaj”. Being a little stubborn, I was relentlessly boycotted for not renouncing the likes of Bilal Philips or Jamal Zarabozo - both of whom at the time I listened to.

My own wife gave me horrible grief and my children were teased by their friends who were told by their salafi parents not to play with my children. My daughter was told by her friend “My Dad says that your Dad is a deviant“. Can you imagine the confusion this caused for the children on both sides? My ex-wife was ‘advised’ to destroy my property (my taped lectures and books). As you can imagine this fitnah destroyed whatever harmony that was in my home and she kept pressing for a divorce because I would not submit to the purge. She wanted me to relent so that she and our children would not have to face the brunt of their boycott. Since I would not, she wanted a divorce. They even boycotted my small business and refused to buy from me. This was the most exhausting, draining period of my life as this woman would wake me up in the middle of the night after listening to some Pal Talk lecture to pick fights with me because she was angry that I’d fallen into “bidah” and “making her life miserable”. She would constantly nag me about what ”Sh. Rabee said” or ”Sh Ubaid said” or ”Sh Falih” or “Sh Fawzee al-Atharee” and other scholars. She would also undermind my authority in front of the children and call me a “mubtade” in front of them and attribute my “deviance” to any and all disagreements especially if I did not want to attend one of the salafi conferences. I could go on and on about how my life was going down the drain from this salaficultists bringing this fitnah into my home, but I will spare the details. To make a long story short, I had developed beliefs that clearly contradicted the ’salafi manhaj’. I believed that the idea that compassion and mercy are qualities that a Muslim should have and not the hate, anger, and ruthlessness I was witnessing with the salafis. I believed that if someone has a problem or misunderstanding that you do not ostracize and boycott them, but you respond with genuine concern for them and if they don’t want your support, mind your business, it’s personal. I found all of these things missing and even ridiculed as “descriptions of the deviants” in the salafi cult. I realized that I could not be a ’salafi’ and also keep my independent beliefs. I renounced ’salafiyyah’ after a lot of thinking and soul searching because this kind of “manhaj” just could not be from Allah

Not long after that, my wife and I divorced as it was official that I was a ‘deviant’. I wanted to keep my family together, but she was uncompromising and I was not going to keep her prisoner. Ironically my ex-wife eventually ‘burned out” and stopped practicing Islam altogether when she too was boycotted for not being sufficiently ’salafi’ over some petty argument on one of their “salafi sister” email lists. She does not cover at all and is basically agnostic about religion at this point.

So here I am left alone trying to get my life back together and raising my four children alone. At 41 years of age I am trying to hold on with everything that I have to maintain my own Islam. This story has repeated itself in many different forms with many different people. At this point I just quietly go to pray and leave. The “salafi dawah” is just a bunch of literal legal code with no connection to God.

At this point, after having left the salafi cult, life is full of ups and downs and I am working very hard to raise my children alone and under a new understanding of Islam. Damage has been done to them and I am trying to tell them that the cult of salafiyyahis not what Islam is. At some point I have to be honest with them about their mother. Imagine as a child seeing your mother go from wearing all black and niqaab to wearing shorts and tee-shirt. I have to hold it together for them. That thought alone is overwhelming and frightening. I read this post about cults and realized that I had been in a cult clothed in the name of “pure” Islam

In other aspects I have so many mixed feelings. I feel as if I have just returned from another planet. I feel full of rage and pain. I feel full of hope for the future now that I am not shackeled by that cult. I am still coming to terms with being spiritually raped and feeling like my life has been. I don’t know how to convey the extremes of the pain.

Having spent many years in the salafi cult, I have to start life over at 41. The idea of having to basically start life over again is sad, frustrating, and painful. I must remind myself constantly that it is possible to rebuild although I will not be able to make up for all the years the salafi cult has stolen from me, but I can make up for some of those lost years. I’ve worked very, very hard to recover from a severely dysfunctional family in the salafi cult to continue with life.

For others that are recovering, I am sharing my story with you that so that you know that you are not alone and that if you work hard, you can recapture your life. I have not fully recaptured my life, but I am working hard at it.

Originally published at http://salafiburnout.wordpress.com/2…-cult/#more-31 but the entire site is no longer online.